Feelings

What I hate most about feelings is my inability to control them. I was talking today via FB to my friend who advised me that she saw a guy I was previously interested in. Except I’m still interested in him and I’m not sure why. I’m currently traveling abroad and feeling particularly lonely on most days. I reached out to him a few days after arriving, knowing that he was already aware of my apprehension in traveling. I got no response. But what’s more is that when I was in the US I’m afraid that what I saw in him might have been all in my head. Things were complicated, and admittedly I had my part to play in it all. I could have been a bit more forthcoming with my feelings but so much of it was new for me that I didn’t know if the sparks were because of him or because of the excitement of new attention that Lady Fate finally decided to bestow me with.

In any regard the conversation with my friend made me less sure of where I stood with him. Prior to her bringing him up I had fancied someone else (in my head, no actions had been taken -yet). But now I feel that maybe I should tie lose ends…

…What makes feelings even more complicated is the lack of definition. If we had any definition at all it would be that of friends, so if a friend didn’t reply to my message I would be a little disappointed but I wouldn't feel the need to ask why my message received no response. So here I am. Lost, feeling like I shouldn’t have this particular person on the brain but finding no way to resolve it.

That’s feelings for ya.